Fans of Monty Python will recall those words as some of the first lines delivered in the feature film "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". Spoken by a supposed victim of the plague being carried out to a cart bearing corpses to a medieval disposal, they acurately portray the performance of the Romanians in this enjoyable romp of a scenario.

A full regiment of Soviet infantry supported by a company of T-34s bears down on a battalion of shaky Romanian infantry holding a town. The Soviets need to cover the width of 1 1/2 boards prior to reaching the town so organized movement and the avoidance of any significant delays is imperative. The Romanians know this a put an entire third of their infantry (three platoons) in the woods along the north south track to delay the Soviets. These troops will be doing well if they can cause some units to have to assault for more than one turn. Meanwhile the Romanian AT gunners await the T-34s and have set up a potential crossfire commanding the entry areas to the town from the north. The Romanians all must think "delay" as a German battalion with armor support and higher morale than the Soviets is expected somewhere around halfway through the scenario.

The expectation is that the Soviets will invest the town, ejecting the Romanians but be so disorganized by the "victory" that the Germans along with the remnants of the Romanians will be able to fight their way back in making for a pretty see saw battle.

As in all things, these plans do not survive contact with the enemy.

The Soviet advance looks terrifying for three turns, then it runs into the sacrificial lambs in the woods. They cause some losses to the Soviets through Op Fire and then hold out for 4-6 turns meting out numerous disruptions and demoralizations. Due to the delays in taking out the lambs, the Soviets decide to send the tanks and whatever forces they can shunt around the lambs towards the town. The tanks with a higher movement factor get there first and immediately experience the crossfire works and one step of T-34s is vaporized. The approaching infantry force is likewise "savaged" by the Romanian artillery (a mortar and a 75mm both with only 8 factors) and the track is strewn with Soviet infantry trying to get their mojo back.

Finally around turn 7 the Soviets are able to generate an assault at the northernmost town hex of the large town (the Romanians did NOT try to defend the smaller hilltop town expecting that, if the Soviets chose to take it they could be ejected by the late arriving Germans. The Soviet assault does not do much and the attackers are disrupted. The Romanian Capitan decides to show the Germans, who have yet to even show up in the far, far distance, that Romanian forces have not given up and are not "dead yet". The AT gun and HMG in the assaulted hex are joined by the Romanian engineers who manage an counterassault on the 13 column and cause the demoralization of the entire Soviet force. While this left the next town hex held by only one platoon of infantry, the Romanians still had reserves to use and the Soviets were spread out trying to recover or arriving late from the attack on the lambs.

In the final analysis the arrival of the Germans and their StGs became the reason for the Soviets to run away. Until then, despite the fact that the Romanians continued to have by far the better of the fight and probably could have pulled a minor victory out in any event due to their brave counterassaults but the German forces were able to stretch to the east and sweep the Soviets away from the town, isolating their forces in the town which were cleaned up over time by the Romanian engineers and the German combined arms.

I always enjoy a scenario that plays out in a manner very different than planned and this was exactly that kind of play. It was a lot of fun for the Romanian and remarkably frustrating to the Soviet. I give it a "4".